Hell and Damnation [Werewolves and Wizards of West End 3] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Read online

  Lilli, by Travis’s side, pleaded with Martin. “What’s done is done. We fell asleep, and so did Rogan. How could we have known he’d leave?”

  “The question is whether or not he left in his human body or as a wolf.” Travis let out a curse. “Damn it. The more I look at this, the worse things get. I know I’ve got the right ingredients. What the fuck am I doing wrong?”

  Martin felt sorry for his friend. If Travis didn’t find the right potion or spell or whatever the hell he needed to save their friend, he’d blame himself for the rest of his life. “Take it easy. Maybe you’re trying too hard.”

  Travis whirled around to confront him. “Maybe I’m trying too hard? Is that all you have to offer?”

  “Fuck off, man. Don’t go hanging me out to dry because you can’t do your job as a fucking wizard.” Martin hated himself for what he’d said, but the frustration he’d held in check for so long wouldn’t be held back.

  “Fuck you.” Travis stalked over to him then shoved him against the wall. “You’re not doing anyone any good here. Why don’t you go search for him? Isn’t that what sheriffs are good for? That and strolling around town acting like a big shot for the tourists?”

  Anger roared to life inside Martin. “Maybe I’m not a fucking wizard, but what I do around here matters. Damn it, Travis, you’re full of shit.”

  “Guys?”

  Martin heard Lilli but was too involved to pay attention. All he wanted was to punch Travis in the face. He fisted his hands, ready to make his wish come true.

  “Guys! Stop!”

  Travis wheeled around as Martin’s attention finally jumped to Lilli. “What?” asked Martin, unable to keep the anger out of his tone.

  Excitement shone in her blue eyes. “Guys, I think I may have figured out why the spell isn’t working.”

  * * * *

  Lilli knew Travis felt like hell. It was a simple mistake, one anyone could’ve made. Putting in too little of one common ingredient, lavender, had changed the entire composition of the potion. She pulled her horse closer to his. “Travis, stop beating yourself up. You stared at that page for so long, you simply didn’t see it any longer.”

  “I shouldn’t have missed it. It was right in front of my face the entire time.”

  They’d awakened to find Rogan missing. Fearing the worst, they’d saddled up and gone searching for him. If she thought about it too much, fear would take over. What if he’d shifted for the last time? What if they’d found the solution, but it was too late?

  No. I can’t think that way. He’s going to be all right. He has to be.

  “Let it go, man. The only thing that matters now is that we have the right formula.” Martin held the tranquilizer gun in the crook of his arm and the reins in the other.

  At least we hope we do.

  Lilli wouldn’t think negatively. The new potion had to work. “Turning the mixture into liquid and putting it into a tranq needle was your idea, Travis. Without your magic, we never could’ve done it.”

  He snorted. “My magic. So far, my magic hasn’t done a damn bit of good.”

  “We’ll find him and we’ll shoot him.” She gave him a comforting smile, although she knew it wouldn’t do much good. Travis would continue to blame himself until Rogan was found and saved.

  “Let’s head over to the cliff. He likes to sit on the edge and howl sometimes,” suggested Martin.

  “Good idea.” Travis turned his horse to follow Martin’s.

  She’d started to do the same when something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye. Pulling her horse to a stop, she studied the area behind the bushes. Was it Rogan? Yet it had been gray, not black, and not half big enough. By the time she’d dismissed what she’d seen, Travis and Martin were several yards away.

  She lifted her hand, ready to call out and tell them to hold up when a low growl came. Was it Rogan? Her horse nickered and stomped the ground. “Rogan? Is that you?”

  The wolf jumped out of the bushes before she could react. Terrified, her horse reared into the air, hooves striking out at the wolf crouched at her feet. Lilli lost her grip and fell. She landed on the ground, the impact knocking the air out of her. Another wolf then another sprang out of the bushes and formed a semi-circle as she scrambled to her feet.

  “Martin! Travis!”

  They heard her, spinning their horses around, but it was too late. She turned toward the wolves again just as one of them leapt into the air. She screamed, dropping to her knees, her hands over her head for the barest of protection.

  A roar split the air. Growls erupted around her while Travis and Martin shouted for her to run.

  Surprised she was still alive, she lifted her head.

  Rogan!

  He had the wolf that had attacked her on the ground, his huge jaws clamped over the smaller wolf’s throat. The other wolves had run off, leaving Lilli with her attacker and Rogan.

  Amber eyes fixed on her, and she knew. He recognized her. He was in his wolf form, but he still loved her.

  With a low growl, he sank his fangs deeper into the wolf’s neck and tore it apart. Blood splattered on her as Rogan shook his head then let the dead wolf fall to the ground.

  “Rogan.” Shaking, she walked toward him.

  A snarl, a definite warning, stretched his lips. Crouching, he eased back and growled again as Travis and Martin pulled their horses to a stop and dismounted.

  “Easy, Rogan. Take it easy.” Martin held the gun in both hands. “We’ve got the right stuff this time. Can you shift back?”

  Rogan’s moan, pitifully sad, tore at her. “I’m not sure he can.”

  “Try, man, you’ve got to try,” urged Martin.

  Travis came beside her, wrapping her in his arms. “Shift back, Rogan. Do it one last time.”

  “Do it for me. Please, you’ve got to try.” She’d get on her knees and beg him if it would help.

  He tried. She could see it in his eyes and the set of his jaw. Whining, he lay down and closed his eyes.

  “That’s it, Rogan. Change back.” She broke from Travis’s arms and hurried to the wolf, to the man she loved. “Please. Keep trying. I need you.” She would’ve sworn the sound he made was more like a human groan than a wolfish growl.

  He closed his eyes, his body motionless, as though he was putting every ounce of willpower into the shift. For one terrible moment that seemed to stretch on forever, nothing happened and she was certain he couldn’t change. What if he remained a wolf? He’d vowed to leave them, but she didn’t want him to go. They’d never share lovemaking or children, but she still needed him in her life. Still, she’d never ask that of him, understanding that to stay would be painful for him to watch as she, Travis, and Martin made a life together.

  Then, ever so slightly, the blurring began, heralding the transformation.

  “You’re doing it, Rogan. You’re doing it.” Her whisper caught in her throat.

  His body began changing, ears shortening, fur receding, giving way to fresh skin. His face contorted, an awful sight to see a mix of man and wolf features, but soon his handsome appeared. Rogan, fully returned to his human body, lay on the ground.

  She hugged him, happiness filling her. “You’re back. Thank God, you’re back.”

  Rogan struggled to lift his arm and pointed at Martin. “If that’s for me, then shoot.”

  “Let’s take you back to the ranch first.”

  Rogan shook his head at Travis’s suggestion. “No, the shifts are coming faster. It’s now or never. Shoot.”

  The shudder of his body rippled into hers. Praying they’d finally found the answer, she looked to Martin then moved out of the way. “Shoot him. Now.”

  Lifting the gun, Martin squeezed the trigger.

  Chapter Nine

  Lilli wouldn’t leave Rogan’s side. Until he came to, she’d sit by his bed and wait.

  “How’s he doing?” asked Travis as he and Martin strode into the bedroom.

  “The same.” She touched Rogan�
��s hand and, as she’d done so many times before, squeezed it as hard as she could. Did he know she was there? If so, why didn’t he wake up?

  “I wish like hell I hadn’t been the one to shoot him.” Martin gripped the bedpost, his anxiousness stiffening his body.

  “You’re the best shot. It had to be you,” offered Travis. “Besides, it’s my spell, my mix that put him out, not the bullet. If anyone is to blame for him lying there, it’s me.”

  “No one’s to blame.” Lilli couldn’t stand to see any of her men in pain. “We did what we had to do. He told you to shoot.”

  “Why isn’t he waking up, man?”

  They’d asked Travis the same question many times. Each time, he paused, trying to come up with the right answer. Yet there was no right answer. “I don’t know. Maybe he’ll come out of it any second now. Maybe he never will. I just don’t know.”

  Martin eased into one of the three chairs that had been brought into the room. Although she’d refused to move from Rogan’s side, Martin and Travis had joined her, sometimes together, sometimes giving her time alone with him. “Let’s talk about the future.”

  “Why bother until he’s up?” Travis took another chair, slumping onto it.

  “Maybe he’s listening.” Lilli squeezed Rogan’s hand yet again. She had to believe he felt her. Had to believe he heard them. She dragged in a breath then spoke to him as much as to the others. “I want children.”

  “Okay. There’s a conversation starter.”

  She smiled at Martin. At least he was trying to lighten the mood. “We might as well discuss it, right? I want at least three.” Three children for her three men sounded like a fine idea.

  “Do you care which you have?” asked Travis. He sat up straighter.

  “Not really. All boys, all girls, or a mix. It really doesn’t matter to me.”

  “I think Travis was asking if you cared if the kids were human, wizard, werewolf, or hybrids.”

  “Oh. I didn’t know there were chances of them being anything other than human.”

  “Does it make a difference to you?” Martin’s question wasn’t a challenge.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Although raising a werewolf child sounds kind of scary.”

  “It could be,” answered Travis. “But a wizard child can be a handful, too. Sometimes their powers come a lot sooner than their ability to reason, to understand how to control them.”

  She put both hands over Rogan’s. Had his finger moved? “Then I’m going to need a lot of help.”

  “And what about you, babe? Do you want Rogan to change you into a werewolf? Or do you want to learn magic with Travis?” Martin shrugged. “I don’t have anything to offer you other than the usual human stuff.”

  “Just tell how you see your life, darlin’. Whatever you say will be fine with us.” Travis’s gaze slipped to Rogan. “With all of us.”

  She didn’t answer right away. After all, she hadn’t had time to think about her future with them past a few days. “I want to live here with you three as my mates, my husbands. I want to find work here on the island and enjoy getting to know everyone here. Later, maybe in a couple of years, I’ll be ready to have a child. As for learning magic or changing into a werewolf? Why can’t I do both?”

  “There’s one question no one’s asked,” said Martin. “Even if Rogan is cured, can he pass along whatever it was that caused this to happen to him?”

  She hadn’t given it any thought, but the answer was clear enough. “First of all, he’s going to be cured. And even if anything remains of whatever caused his uncontrollable shifts, then we’ll have the answer for it, won’t we?” She searched their faces. “I know what I want. Not right away, but in time, I want Rogan to bite me and make me a werewolf.”

  “Are you sure? There’s no going back after I bite you.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. Rogan’s eyes were open. “You’re back.”

  He groaned and squeezed her hand. “Yeah. I feel like I’ve been hit by the ferry, but I’m back.”

  Travis and Martin were on their feet and drew closer.

  “How do you feel?” asked Travis. “Any different?”

  “I don’t know. Everything hurts right now.”

  “Then take it easy.” She wiped away a tear. “You’re awake and with us again. Until we know differently, we’re going to assume the cure worked.”

  “Girl, don’t go getting your hopes up too soon.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m going to do, Rogan. So far, hoping has given me a lot.”

  “A sight better than the hell and damnation you’ve gone through,” said Martin.

  But Rogan had closed his eyes again. Fear swept into her. “Rogan? Are you all right?” What if he was unconscious again? Would he wake up again? Or had that been the last time they’d ever talk?

  He didn’t open his eyes, but he did speak. “I’m okay. I just need to rest.”

  She placed a quick kiss to his hand. “Okay. You rest. I’ll be right here.”

  A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “I know.”

  * * * *

  Three days had passed since Rogan had finally awakened. Since then, his strength had grown steadily. Martin and Travis had handled everything on the ranch while Lilli had called her boss and quit, saying she would never return. Martin, too, had made changes, moving out of his home and onto the ranch.

  Rogan sat on the couch next to her as he’d done since he’d gotten out of bed. “I’m going stir crazy.”

  “How can we tell?” joked Martin as he and Travis strode into the house. “You’ve always been a little off your rocker.”

  “Fuck you,” answered Rogan as he downed the last of his beer. The television show they were watching ended, and as he always did, he started channel surfing.

  Martin and Travis took their usual places, one on the other side of her, the other in the armchair.

  “Just pick a damn channel, man,” said Martin, who tried to snag the remote away from Rogan but was too slow.

  “How about we do something else?” Rogan put his mouth to Lilli’s neck. “No more waiting. Three days is long enough to recover. I feel fine.”

  She giggled and pushed him back. “Are you sure?” Having gone three full days without shifting was more than encouraging. But they were still on guard, watching to see if Rogan could control his inner wolf.

  “Has anything happened?” Travis rested his forearms on his knees. “Any attempt by your wolf to take over?”

  “Not a one.”

  Martin cleared his throat. “Have you tried shifting on your own and shifting back?”

  “No.” She gripped Rogan’s arm. “It’s too soon to try.” Any chance of losing him was too much of a chance to take.

  “Not yet.” Rogan cupped her cheek. “But I need to try. I need to shift and come back.”

  “But your wolf hasn’t tried to take over. That’s a good sign, right?” It was selfish of her, but if she could keep him in his human form forever, she would. She couldn’t risk losing him.

  “Beats the hell out of me. It’s strange, that’s for sure.” Rogan stood up.

  Her fingers trailed over his arm, but she wouldn’t, couldn’t, hold him back.

  “I’m going to shift. I have to try, girl. I have to know if I’m cured.”

  Every bit of her wanted to protest, to beg him to stay human, but she couldn’t ask it of him. Instead, she remained silent.

  The shift began, blurring his body. The crack of bones breaking, his groans ripped through her. She wanted to cry but held back, needing to support him. Soon enough, he dropped to the floor, a glorious black wolf.

  “Rogan,” she said and put her fingertips to the white patch on his forehead. “You’re beautiful.”

  He shoved his head against her leg and gave a low, soft growl. With his tail high, he slicked his tongue over her hand.

  “Please. Change back. I can’t wait any longer.” Fear crept into her, and she was sure he could smell it on
her.

  Amber eyes met hers. He was there, inside the wolf body, his intelligence showing through. Love, too, shone there.

  He shifted back, fur and fangs receding, limbs reforming. With each small change, she began to breathe easier.

  “I’m back.” Rogan grinned a wolfish grin. But the grin died all too quickly.

  “What’s wrong, man?” asked Martin.

  “It’s growing stronger.” Rogan grimaced as though hit with pain. “Fast, too. Hard.” His breathing became labored.

  “You can push it back.” Travis was on his feet, his hands clenched. “Fight it, and we’ll know whether it worked.”

  Rogan closed his eyes, the battle for dominance showing in the hardness of his expression, the clenching of his teeth. Lilli gripped her hands together, fighting the urge to hold him, to comfort him, to help him stay in his human form.

  Then, suddenly, he opened his eyes. Big soulful black eyes without a hint of amber in them.

  “Rogan?” asked Martin. “You good?”

  She let out a yelp as Rogan grabbed her by the arms and hauled her over his shoulders. “Fuck no. I’m not just good. I’m great. I won.” He bounded toward the stairs with her bouncing with every step. “I’m back in control.”

  “Rogan, put me down.” Her hair hung in her face as she laughed. Was his ordeal finally over? Was he really okay now?

  “Are you sure?” Travis raced behind them.

  “Yeah, I’m sure. I can feel the difference.” Rogan kicked in the door as he’d done before.

  “One of these times you’re going to break the door for good.” As if she really cared. She had her three men with her for the rest of their lives. Nothing else mattered.

  Rogan tossed her on the bed. “I thought I was cursed to hell on earth, unable to ever make love to you again.” He took her in, his hungry gaze skimming the length of her. “Now I’m going to enjoy heaven on earth.”

  “Then we’re good to go,” added Martin. “We’re together now and for the future.”